Putting on.

I've been reading a book that describes "putting on" love. No, I want to capitalize it. Love.

I find it difficult to do when you might be tired or impatient or just plain weak.

Yesterday, I basically told that old Devil to "get thee behind me"!

Today, I'm putting on Love. It's a gorgeous coat, with shiny buttons of Patience and ribbons of Grace.

MMMMM TOASTY!!

Put on Love, folks! One size fits all!!

Surprise? Nope.

Satan hates peace. He hates calm. He hates stability and the right direction.

Smooth feathers? He'll ruffle 'em!!
Balance? He'll knock you off the beam.

That's fine, you jackhole!
I'm still here.
I still believe.
I turn my back on you, JACKHOLE!!
BRING IT ON!

GREAT IS HIS FAITHFULNESS!!

Great is His Faithfulness.

Regardless of how I feel from day to day...no matter how much has to be done today...despite my own selfishness and apart from what others think of me...God remains FAITHFUL.

This song was stuck in my head all morning:

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.

Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

God remains faithful. He does not change. I can wake up with the assurance that God does not change. His feelings for me do not change. His promises do not change. He Word does not change. My salvation is Christ cannot be changed. Because of Christ's Sacrifice and my belief in His Resurrection, I can't fall out of God's Grace. I owe God my service and I will serve Him by doing right by my family and TRUSTING and serving my husband.

“His compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is Thy faithfulness.”
Lamentations 3:22-23

Thank God for His patience...especially when He knows that mine is running so short.
Thank You, Lord.

Everyone, remember that even if you don't believe it? HE IS STILL FAITHFUL!! HA! YAY!

Ramble.

This post will make no sense to anyone who reads it. But I need validation.

I have started treating people like crap. I don't mean to but you know how it is when you're mad at someone and you STAY mad at them then the next thing you know, you get angrier more often and easier and at nothing. THEN the next thing you know, not only is everyone pissing you off, but for really random reasons and you have a bone to pick with everyone. Everyone is, therfore, stupid.

I'm tired all the time and I don't ever stop. I get up in the middle of the night half the time to take care of Lily and change her diaper. Then I get up in the morning (husband leaves for work around 5:30) and pump milk, change diaper, feed babygirl, get her bottles and bag ready, get the pump ready to go to work, get my bag ready (making sure the bills are in there to pay at work), make sure the dog is taken out and fed and watered THEN I get myself ready for work and warm up the car, pack the car then change one more diaper before placing Lily in the car and off we go to work and daycare.
This, of course, depends on A. If Lily eats well B. If she doesn't spit up or poo C. If I can find my keys/shoes/jeans/socks/boots or D. If I can find her diaper bag/toy/pacifier/sock.

THEN I go to work.
I work and pump milk every three hours. THEN I run the milk to daycare twice during the day.
After work I run to daycare and pick up Lily. Usually I have to either stay at daycare for a half-hour to either feed her or change her dirty diaper or both because for some reason at the end of the day the teacher who is in there neglects to get her fed and keep her dry. Grrrr.

THEEEEEN, we drive home.
The drive home is usually fine, despite that most drivers are mean and stupid.
Normally, if Lily is fed and dry and has a toy...she's fine. However, there are days that she just does not want to be back there alone and we have to pull off the highway and into a business parking lot. I crawl into the backseat with her, take her out of the carseat and cradle her and sing. I've done this several times.
These days I don't get home til six or six-thirty. I get off at five.

SO THEEEENNNNN we get home.
I don't cook so although there is no question about dinner being ready, there is a large question about quality of food and nutritional value. Sigh.
Before I can eat, I usually feed Baby. On the days that daycare feeds her earlier...say, 4:00, By the time we get home, she's ready again. So, I feed her. And change her. And normally at this point in the day, Lily wants Mama and I get to hold her lots. Hard to eat like that.

By the time the clock reads 7:30 or so it's time to make sure bottles are clean, laundry is clean, house is somewhat picked up, dishes are somewhat washed, and believe it or not, husband relatively satisfied and happy...THEN IT'S NINE. And time for my shower and Lily's bath.

After bath, it's feeding time again and then it's bedtime for our girl.
She goes down very easy. She sleeps most of the night. Some nights all night long. Believe me. I'm thankful.

However...as proud as I am to be Lily's mom...I'm having trouble.
In all that, I have no time for anything else.
I have only ONE child and no time for anything else.
Now, granted I have a husband and he knows how to hold her, feed her, change her and play with her.
But I cannot express the amount of guilt I am dealing with right now. I don't know how to control it or handle it.
Today was the first day in WEEKS that I didn't have to drive up to daycare with milk for her. Why? Because I actually got ahead of her!
However, I felt/feel guilty because I didn't get to go up there to spend time with her. And tonight Billy and I have tickets to a show and we're leaving her with my mom. I feel like I should be home with her tonight since I didn't get to see her today.

On top of this mess of spaghetti, I cannot separate myself from my motherly job. Not for my day job for my wifely job for my friendly job nor for my humanly job. Right now it's all mom all day and all night.

Whew.
That was a long one and I do feel better having seen how I feel.
Maybe I shouldn't feel guilty for writing this...but I do.

Multi Tasker.

Yesterday, one of my personal goals was to find a way to get stuff done in my free time. One of my big chunks of free time is my lunch hour. Right now, half of that hour consists of me pumping and running milk to Lily. But the other half is free and clear! (Eat during lunch hour? Who has ever heard of such ridiculousness?)

Here is my list of "Work I Can Do During Lunch":
Wash bottles (bring them to work and wash them in the kitchen)
Fold laundry (bring the basket and hangers...sit in my car and fold them)
Pay Bills. But I already do that.
Clean the car. (put the bucket of cleaners in the trunk and wash it behind the building)
Filing. (We have a basket full of all paid bills, correspondence, etc. I can bring it to work and organize it? By the way, the basket is the size of a laundry basket.)

Now, when I presented this brilliant list to my husband last night, do you know what he said?

"But why don't you take that time for yourself????"

Excuse me...but, WHAT?
So, let me clarify...you want me to take a FULL half hour for ME and me alone? Wow...you have to be kidding me! Thank you, Honey! Thank you so much for giving me the insight to actually spend thirty precious minutes on myself! Maybe I'll go pee pee BY MYSELF! Or file my nails. Or breathe? How about that?

Hee hee. Husbands are funny.

This entertaining conversation prompted me to make another list:
The Top Five Things I Would Do If I Actually DID Spend My Lunch Hour On Myself:

5. Get on ABC.com and watch re-runs of "Pushing Daisies". (Let me also say that if you're reading this and you do NOT watch this show? You're just plain stupid. Best show ever.)
4. Sleep.
3. Do Yoga...go walk or dance by myself, with my rio and headphones, in the bathroom.
2. Walk around Target. Alone. Slowly.

And the number one?
1. Go to the daycare and hold Lily and rock her and talk to her and sing to her.

Wait...I actually do that. Then I don't need anything else. Thank you very much.

(EDIT: Later that night, I told Billy we needed things from Walmart. He suggested I go alone so that I could "have time to myself". Yep. That's good ME time: shopping for diapers and deodorant.)
-

GS.

As most of you know, I hold Garage Sales every five minutes.

According to the rules, you can only hold a garage sale in OKC twice a year...yet when I call to get a permit, they don't stop me, even if I've reached my two-sale max.

I think they just want my $7 again.

Anywhoo...we had one this weekend. And as much as I love to hold them, it is quite different when you have a baby.

Here are some of the things from this weekend's sale that I found either amusing or insanely stupid:

-When you have a GS that is full of baby clothes, your buyers ultimately say, "Oh, you have a baby!" HA.

-Additionally, they'll try to guess the sex and/or age of your baby BASED on the clothes hanging up. "So, let's see...you have a GIRL and she's older, right?"
Wow, excuse me but your HUGE BRAIN is making this garage really cramped. Let me step outside! Geniuses.

-I posted an ad online to sell Billy's Honda CRX. Posted it Monday...sold it Tuesday. A man showed up at the garage sale this weekend to buy the car. Though I'd never gotten an e-mail from him, he chewed me out for not posting an additional ad to say the car was sold. Wow, I SUCK, don't I?? hee hee

-We tried to sell my exercise bike in the GS also. Wanna guess how many people's KIDS climbed on this thing? Dude.

-I LOVE my next door neighbor, Ruby. Every time we have a GS, she runs over to her house and comes back with a shirt or something for us to sell and keep the money. We made a buck-fifty off her pink Gitano sweatsuit! Thanks, Ruby! (btw, Ruby is 85 years old, still drives, mows her own lawn, cusses about the crazy kids HA)

-I made peace with our crazy across-the-street neighbor. This is the one with the nutty dog and the one who told my husband that he was breaking the law by parking in front of the house. YES, the one who called the cops on us at 11:30 at night ABOUT the car being parked in the street. She came to the GS and bought some stuff and chatted with me about stuff. NOW we're best friends. Apparently.

-GS's bring neighbors together, did you know that? Well it does. If you don't know your neighbors but WANT to? Have a GS. They'll come on over. I got to meet the two twenty-something frat boys from the rent house a block away. This is the house that every time we pass it I think, "Looks like college boys live there." (Beer sign in the window.) Sure enough, I was right. They come over around 10:30 (A.M. FOLKS) carrying their cups of "refreshment" and buy all the "cool" stuff we have. Such as: Black Sabbath and Conway Twitty trucker hats, Audrey Hepburn poster, etc.
They THEN invite ME (hahaha) over for "refreshments". (YAYAYAYAY I'm still hot! hahahahahaaaa!) THEEEEN, upon finding out I'm married to a skateboarder, they invite HIM over for "refreshments". They were hilarious. Hi Sam and Brian!

We made (thank You JESUS) over $320 in this GS and still have tons of stuff! WOO!

Wish you were here!

Merry Christmas, Ya'll.

I REFUSE TO START THE HOLIDAYS NOW.
Now, you have to understand that this statement is coming from a nearly-nutty Christmas Lover. I loooove Christmas. I love the sights, smells, shopping (yes), wrapping, cooking, eating (YESSSS), fellowship and above all - using my energy to focus this time on the gift of Jesus Christ.
HOWEVER, forgive me, Lord:
I WON'T START THE HOLIDAY SEASON THE FRICKIN DAY AFTER HALLOWEEN!
Nooooooo NONONONONONONOOOO NO NO NO NO NO.
I am totally with Charlie Brown: Christmas is TOO COMMERCIAL.

And speaking of commercials, I am already seeing snow-filled, red and green, consumer-targeted Christmas commercials on TV! DON'T YOU MAKE ME STOP WATCHING TV, JERKFACES!

Sorry for all the yelling, but I'm ticked, man.

I adore Fall. It's my over all favorite season. As much as I enjoy Christmas, it's not the same if it didn't follow a gorgeous Autumn with the orange, red and brown hues...the smell of the earth cooling off...darkness falling early, bidding us inside to cozy down with quilts, knee-high socks and hot cider.

Look, retards. You shop all you want. Gear up. Decorate early. Get started. GO AHEAD.



I'm going to stroll underneath the falling leaves, breathing deeply, smiling up at the crisp, cool sky and focus on stuffing myself with pumpkin pie and turkey.


Wanna stroll with me? You don't know what you're missing.


(Hypocrite's)UPDATE: Just came from Target. First department visited? Christmas Trees. With a huge smile on my face. Dang!!